What A Burn!

"So she's totally going to give her the 5th degree"

Now that's a stretch

"It allows us to elasticate ourselves."

Lost And Found Drugs

"I should probably take these pills that are in my pocket."

(They were vitamins)

The Psychic Remote Control

"I can't read your mind; I don't have ESPN."

Mixed Metaphor Of The Gods

"It's the white elephant in the room."

(If you don't get it, see: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/White_elephant and http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Elephant_in_the_room)

One Step At A Time

"One day, if I can touch my toes, I'm going to have a major party."